例4.(11分段)
In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold. First day when he came to school, we found that his eyes were red and his sound was rough. The second day, his cold was too bad that he couldn"t go to school.
At that time, there was a serious ill called SARS in our country. It"s just like badly cold and can infected others easily. But our classmates didn"t go away from him. They seemed more close to him. Our classmates helped him to take back breakfast. Our teacher came to see him with his notes book. He helped him to study in order that he didn"t drop behind my classmates" For he was my best friend, I just sat on his bed and do my best to comfort him.
Althought there was SARS around us, but I felt very warm from this thing. It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. And not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. How happy we were!
東方教育點評：本文切題，表達思想清楚，文字比較連貫, 但有一些文法錯誤。
具體問題剖析：全文有一些文法、語言錯誤，如"In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold."應改為"In 1 April 2003,one of my classmates got serious cold."(時態);"First day when he came to school,"應改為"The first day when he came to school,"(介詞遺漏);"his sound was rough."應改為"his voice was rough."(用詞);"Althought there was SARS around us, I felt very warm from this thing."應把but去掉(連詞); "It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult."應改為"It told me that the love from true heart could help come across any difficulties."(時態、詞性錯誤);"We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family."應改為"We are so lucky that we live in a big warm family."(詞性)。
例5.(14分段)
During the SARS period in this spring, the year of 2003, one of my classmates, Li ming, was struck down by the virus and was immediately sent to hospital.
The news spread quickly on campus. At first, we were terrified and wondered if we were infected too. However, through our government"s publicity on mass media, we gradually conquered the fear and set out to try out best to help her. Some teachers provided darly necessities while some students recorded the English class contents for him so that Li ming could not be left behind. With our care and concern, Li ming recovered quickly.
Such an incident teaches us a good moral. Our society is full of love, warm and peaceful, in which people-from man to woman, from individual to individual-lend others a hand. Just like a famous song goes, "the world will turn itto heaven only if everyone contributes a little." and I do believe that it"s my great honor to live in this love-filled paradise!
東方教育點評：本文切題，論證豐富生動，表達思想清楚，文字通順，連貫性較好。基本上無大的語言錯誤，僅有個別小錯誤。
p.s. 由于一些例文錯誤較多，點評中隻是列舉了部分的典型錯誤，而且為了保持原文面貌，編輯沒有做過多的改動，所以歡迎大家一起來挑錯，有問題和小水一起討論。