The night of Shanghai has never appealed to me. City born and city bred, I've got tired of the brightness of neon signs and the grandeur of skyscrapers in Shanghai.
But on this year's National Day, I spent a whole night roaming Nanjing Road and the Bund the symbol of the modern material Shanghai, with my roommates. It's the first time that I went out with them. With the huge amount of tourists, we could only wander with the cluster of people, having no destination. In the crowd, we entertained ourselves singing, joking and chatting, leaving all the worries, pressures and unhappiness behind,until mid night. Tired as we were, we still felt very happy. My roommates were quite impressed by the beauty, prosperity and the liveliness of Shanghai. But for me, all these were none of my business. What I treasured was the time I shared with them though that night Shanghai was so charming that she seemed to be one of the leading cities in the world.
It was the friendship that made the night of National Day especially enjoyable and memorable. Because I know that after a few years, my roommates and I may spread out across the world. But I think, that night, we had stockpiled memories like firewood, knowing that, one day, we would gather to relight the blaze of our friendship at the same place.
簡 評
高峰同學的這篇作文構思很巧妙，在文章開頭就宣布自己對上海的繁華已經熟視無睹，並進而將繁華的物質世界和與朋友共度的歡樂時光進行了對比，更加鮮明地反襯出友誼的可貴。
這篇二百多字的作文實在不能算長，但寫得很精致，頗得傳統上海人“螺螄殼裏做道場”的真傳。作者的遣詞造句都很考究，grandeur，liveliness，“stockpile等辭彙的使用準確而生動，銜接手段的充分使用使得文氣連貫而整齊，文中文法和搭配錯誤也極少。作者在文章末尾的比喻更是給讀者留下了深刻的印象，將記憶比作柴火，將友誼比作火焰，明喻和暗喻的有機結合，值得再三回味。
當然，第二段的最後一句將讓步狀語從句放在後面，根據英語中“句末重心”(end-focus)的原則，該句就強調了上海大都市的魅力而不是同學友誼，這就背離了作者的初衷，因此建議將該從句調至句首。