A Fairy Tale in Fall
Roaming on the path among the trees, I threw my sentiment into the blue sky, which landed on the ground of my Alma Mater,and brought me back to the day three years ago.
That was a day in fall, that was a fall in my heart. Shatters swung in the air, just like golden butterflies dancing in the breeze. The sunset cast her afterglow on the ground, as well as on her dazzling pink face. After a long silence, I looked into her clear eyes, whispered to her that I wondered whether I had a position in her future. She thought it for a while, walking back and forth. I noticed she trembled lips several times and let out no words. Finally, she turned to me and flashed a wry smile:"Sorfy, I feel that distance makes beauty, Let"s just be good friends." I could never forget that sentence, just like a bolt from the blue. It hit me like a thousand knives stabbing all over my body. I couldn"t breathe, I couldn"t think, at least not about anything but the pain. Gazing at her receding figure, I couldn"t stop tears wetting my pale cheeks. The tale ended with the girl"s disappearance from my sight.
Now fall comes again. I left myself nothing but the broken memories.
簡 評
乍看題目，似乎覺得作者準備寫一篇神話故事，或跟神話有關的話題。這裏作者寫的是另類“維納斯”。愛神看不見，摸不著，卻又無處不在。
作者採取倒敘的手法，展示了令人難忘的感情歷程。秋天本是收獲的季節，作者選擇這個時候向意中人表露心跡，耐人尋味。微風習習，夕陽西下，心愛的女神近在眼前，卻又是那麽遙不可及。當作者以試探的口吻將藏在心中很久的心事說出來以後，得到的回答卻使作者大失所望。難怪作者至今還念念不忘那段不堪回首的往事。
作者駕馭語言的能力較強，在That was a day ln fall，that was afall ln my heart中用了兩次fall，但一詞多義，十分恰當。作者還應該進一步錘煉語言運用的能力，不斷提高語言素養。
(點評教師：程碩)